A foolish time on the water

By Michaela Kennedy

    Sunshine and perfect breezes ruled over the record 60 participants in this year's 23rd annual Fools' Rules Regatta.  Attracting sailors from all over the state, country and world, the "boat" race keeps growing, with 12 more entries than last year.  First-, second- and third-place winners were awarded in five classes, and three special awards were also given.

    Fools' veteran Fred Pease and his crew of six on Lickerty-Split met their millenium challenge by winning first place in the unlimited class of the zany regatta on Saturday.  Susan Lutes and her all-women crew on Sea Cups announced at a New Year's celebration that they would beat the guys' butts in this summer's race, according to Pease.  Lickerty-Split, undoubtedly the largest floating entry, was built "in response to the challenge," crewmembers said.

    Chris Powell, coordinator and emcee of the event, said that even though the crane used to haul their materials had "marine" written on it, he would still allow the entry.  The rules for the regatta specify that no marine materials be used in the construction of the race boats.

    Many spectators wondered if the two giant spiked silver balls attached to the rig added aerodynamic speed to the creation.

    Second place in the Unlimited Class went to Kaos with captain John Matson, and Armada Who Art in Heaven with captain Frank Newman won third place.  A pat on the back and a good-luck wish for next year go to the ladies with Sea Cups.

    David Malboeuf, complete with woodland costume of branches and leaves, won Most Ingenious Design award for his boat, Morning Wood.  One little boy on the beach commented that Malboeuf hadn't taken a bath in so long that plants were growing off him.

    The Worst Example of Naval Architecture ribbon went to the floating portable toilet, "occupied" by Frank Newman.  Even worse was that the portable john had just been stolen off a construction site, yelled a heckler, as Newman stepped up to receive his prize.

    The Judge's Award, the best overall theme, went to Ben and Owen Duff for Junk Food Junk.  Hungry comments were thrown in fun at the crew.

Originally published in The Jamestown Press, Thursday, August 24, 2000